Hmmm....

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

| | | 0 comments
My mind has been all chaos lately. Chaos chaos chaos.
To start things off, on top of my insecurities, ie; weight, lack of good clothes, un able to afford makeup. I'm now jelous of a girl I've never met.
There's this girl on facebook, and Andy comments her stuff like....all the time. I think hes commented me maybe five or six times since I got a facebook, and from his activity list he comments her stuff six times a WEEK...I feel so stupid. I'm just WAY over reacting...
And I feel guilty...I...ugh. I tried to log into his facebook last night to check on things T.T I only tried once, then I actually slapped myself and turned off the laptop as not to be tempted again.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER?! ...all I can think of, is shes pretty, skinny, and prob isn't as stupid as me. . . I don't have one damn thing to offer Andy. . . In reality its the reason I can't get mad at him. Anytime I try I just think "Kate, back off, he could go out and find someone a lot better then you, and then you'll be lucky to get stuck with a abusive asshole who will still live with his mom in the next ten years" So...I just don't get angry. Hes the only person I've EVER cared about like this. I'm a bitch to most people, I don't give a shit what they think of me, and thats the honest truth. But when it comes to him I just fall apart, and tear everything apart, looking at ever flaw I have, trying to hide it before he see's it. Or be extra sweet to make up for it. . .
I just wish I had a job, and could pay for us to do things...I'd feel more secure knowing I could give him SOMETHING.