.

I've just stopped gagging for the first time in a couple hours. My throat is sore from wrenching. My face is wet from tears, my eyes are swollen and sore.

My skin is blotchy and red, my lip has bite marks in it.

I'm cold, I'm suicidal, I'm scared, I'm in shock, I want Andy...I need Andy.

I'm falling apart.

I'm stubbornly telling myself, over and over, "Its not true."

But it is...it is.