God...

I can't sleep. I eat I get sick. My nightmares are so much worse, and all I want to do at any given time is cry and slam my fists into the ground until they bleed and bone is exposed.
...I keep praying, which most of my friends ask me why, more then half my friends don't believe in God, or any anything for that matter. I can't explain to them why I do. My friend told me once, "I don't get it Kate. You've had one of the worst life's I know...seriously. Why do you put so much stock into something you never have any proof from?" I didn't even take a moment to answer. "*insert name here*, lets put it this way. If I'm wrong...and there is no God...what do I lose in the end?...nothing. Now, if I'm right, and your wrong...what do you lose? Everything there is to lose. Plus, I'm not a fool...I just know."
This, by no means, is to tell anyone who reads this that I think what you think (if you think there is no God) is wrong and stupid, feel free to think whatever you want...its just important to my life, so I wanted to clear that up.
Anyway, back to my original point.
I've never been so terrified in my entire life. I can't tell anyone why, because honestly, I don't...no, that would be saying to much. I just can't say anything.
But I'm scared, and tired, and confused, and in so much mental anguish it literally hurts to even think about getting up tomorrow mourning.
...I just want to curl up into a ball, close my eyes, and wait for my life to end. . . I can't tell anyone that. . .I just feel like there is a immense darkness thats just...waiting for me to give up, and, when I do, it will swallow me, and no one will ever hear my screams, I will never escape its depths.